For the stay-at-home spouse, the impact of divorce is even more dramatic and stressful.
Often, the decision to have the spouse stay at home is made consciously by a couple. This decision is dictated by several factors, among them, the increasing cost of child care, stress of managing the home and a career, and sometimes, simply because “it’s better for the family”.
But what happens when the couple decides to divorce? Divorce is life-changing in itself already. But for the stay-at-home spouse, the effect is even more dramatic and stressful.
In addition, having not contributed a paycheck to the family finances, they may feel they have a smaller voice in the relationship and less control over the finances.
Divorce Challenges Faced By A Stay at Home Spouse
The stay-at-home spouse has to deal with extra challenges when facing divorce.
Public Stigma. When your job description includes being a child caregiver and a homemaker, the perception is that you don’t have a “real” job. Though it is a full-time job, involving incessant work and long hours, the fact that it does not pay puts the stay-at-home spouse at a great disadvantage.
When this has been your job your whole married life, divorce can make you feel suddenly “fired” from the work you have agreed to assume. And this makes the stigma of being a stay-at-home spouse even more acute.
Control over Finances. As a stay-at-home spouse, you have been financially dependent on your husband during the marriage. It is common to not have a bank account in your own name, or money that you control exclusively.
Your credit card may not be yours and you may merely be a supplementary cardholder. And you might not even have knowledge of all marital financial accounts; checking savings, retirement, insurance, etc., so worry and doubt about your own personal financial security is a real concern.
Among common concerns during any divorce are cash flow, retirement planning, and the ability to save for the future. How do you make ends meet to support your kids and carve out a life independent from your ex? Stress? Oh yes!
Lack of Skills Necessary for the Job Market. Closely linked with the above, a stay-at-home spouse often is not given much opportunity to hone skills other than those needed to run a household.
While you may have a degree or have held a job prior to your decision to be a stay-at-home mom, the highly competitive job market is hard to get back into if you do not possess the up-to-date skills, and experience that employers are looking for.
Transitioning to Work Outside of Home. Returning to the workforce is challenging for a home-based spouse. There are well-established routines around the home.
But if circumstances make it financially impossible to continue staying at home and going back to work is the only option, you are faced with the challenge of finding appropriate childcare or adjusting activities and routines to the new schedule, and dealing with concerns on how children will handle the change.
What You Can Do
While a divorce and the challenges it brings might seem insurmountable, it is not the end of the world. Here are specific steps to take back control of your life and gain financial empowerment during divorce and beyond:
Obtain Financial Records. Taking stock of your financial status is an important first step. You need to make a personal copy of all financial records and other important information.
This includes records of assets as well as debts. You may also want to include bank statements, investments statements, home closing documents, mortgage information, car loans or car titles, retirement account statements, 3 years of tax returns, monthly bills, and credit card statements.
These records are important to help your divorce financial planner when you make your financial plans for your future. You are entitled to copies of all of them, even if your name is not on the accounts.
You should especially be vigilant about records if you suspect your spouse of hiding assets. Then he can’t avoid sharing them with you during the divorce settlement.
Hire a Good Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®. Not only will a good CDFA® understand all the financial issues you will be faced with, he/she will also understand the process of divorce.
A CDFA® can help guide you through the many financial decisions you will have to make throughout the divorce process. Your divorce financial planner will help with several things:
Compile your financial information and provide your divorce attorney or mediator a fair and accurate summary of the marital assets and debts.
Put together a budget so you know how much support you need post-divorce.
Create short-term and long-term financial plans so you do not only survive divorce but thrive thereafter.
Equip Yourself with Knowledge. Often people are petrified into inaction because they fear the unknown.
Divorce Process. Learning about the divorce process and what you are entitled to can help you plan for your future.
Here are some things you need to understand:
1. Alimony. You should research California’s laws and get an idea of what amount of alimony you may be entitled to after divorce.
Your attorney will be able to explain the laws of your jurisdiction. Do not be afraid to ask.
Knowing how much alimony you will get will also help you in creating a budget to get your finances in control.
2. Child-Support Laws. Again, laws vary depending upon a range of factors including the income level of the father. Following a divorce, your child’s father, and amount of time each parent spends with the children.
Knowing how much child support you can get will help you make plans for the future. For more information on child support.
3. Division of Assets and Liabilities. Learning about division of assets and liabilities and how they will affect your finances will help you make sound decisions. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® can explain how this all works. For an overview on division of property and debt.
Job Skills. In certain circumstances, it is possible to continue staying at home if the divorce settlement allows one to do so. However, if getting back into the workforce is the only option, taking stock of what you know and what you need to learn is the first step.
Often, as a stay-at-home spouse, you take for granted certain skills that you already possess. Time management, organizational, and multitasking skills are certainly abilities that are valuable in the workplace. Other technical things such as typing skills, knowledge of certain computer software, etc., can be learned by reading or taking online classes.
Or you can choose to work from home too. There is a growing number of opportunities to do this such as working as a virtual assistant, freelance writer, blogger, graphic artist, etc. Again, it is just a matter of matching your skills and capabilities with whatever you may choose to go into.
A stay-at-home spouse has to overcome extra challenges as she faces divorce. During this trying period when you may feel at your lowest, it is important to remember to value your worth, too. This will help you face the future with confidence.
I understand the havoc divorce can wreak on your life not only emotionally, but also financially. And as a stay-at-home spouse, it can be doubly difficult.
Take Control of Your Future
Divorce is stressful. My job is to make the process easier and help both you and your attorney review your options so you understand the impact of your financial decisions and how they will affect your future.
Kimberly can provide step-by-step guidance on matters related to divorce. With a wide range of experience and expertise related to divorce issues, our team will simplify the process and provide much-needed clarity in areas such as long-term tax consequences, asset, and debt analysis, dividing pension plans, continued health care coverage, stock option elections, protecting support with life insurance, and much more.
This information is not intended to be a substitute for seeking legal advice from an attorney. For legal or tax advice please seek the services of a qualified attorney and/or qualified tax professional.
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